Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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