At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize