I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
