i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
