all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
