You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
