You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Soap is not a condiment
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
