Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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