o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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