The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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