You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
