So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
