Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
