i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My dick has a subreddit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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