I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
