i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How does it feel to date your dad?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
