remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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