i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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