Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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