I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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