At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think a kid would responsible me up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
