I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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