I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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