sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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