We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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