I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I want a musical about memes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
