Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
