There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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