I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
