You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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