I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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