you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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