I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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