im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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