There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
