I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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