I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
