I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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