So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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