you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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