she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
