you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
