After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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