I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
