miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
