guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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