I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
