drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
