I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
