Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
