hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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