what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
