U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
