So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm just crazy horny about you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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