My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
