That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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