last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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