All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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