please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
