youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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