Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
did you just send me my own nude
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
