mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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