Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
