Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize