So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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