i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
