Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
