So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
